Understanding Job

I have a hard time understanding the book of Job, mostly because Job rebukes his friends who appear wise to me. In fact, they say (repeatedly) many things I continue to hear in the church today. That Job had sinned and brought this on himself, that he was blaspheming God by maintaining his innocence, and that his refusal to confess his sins before God put him in danger of further judgment.

Taken chapter by chapter, Job doesn’t make sense. Because we want to believe that everything has a reason. Our spouse dies of cancer, and we search for a reason. ‘Why’ is the first question we ask. Did I sin? Did my spouse sin? Did we cause this somehow?

I finally pulled out my study bible and looked up the commentary on the megathemes in Job. This is what I found:

On Suffering:
“Through no fault of his own, Job lost his wealth, children and health. Even his friends were convinced that Job had brought this suffering upon himself. For Job, the greatest trial was not the pain or the loss; it was not being able to understand why God allowed him to suffer.

Suffering can be, but is not always, a penalty for sin. In the same way, prosperity is not always a reward for being good. Those who love God are not exempt from trouble. Although we may not be able to understand fully the pain we experience, it can lead us to rediscover God.”

On Satan’s Attacks:
“Satan attempted to drive a wedge between Job and God by getting Job to believe that God’s governing of the world was not just and good. Satan had to ask God for permission to take Job’s wealth, children and health away. Satan was limited to what God allowed.

We must learn to recognize but not fear Satan’s attacks because Satan cannot exceed the limits that God sets. Don’t let any experience drive a wedge between you and God. Although you can’t control how Satan may attack, you can always choose how you will respond when it happens.”

On God’s Goodness:
“God is all-wise and all-powerful. His will is perfect, yet he doesn’t always act in ways we understand. Job’s suffering didn’t make sense because everyone believed good people were supposed to prosper. When Job was at the point of despair, God spoke to him, showing him his great power and wisdom.

Although God is present everywhere, at times he may seem far away. This may cause us to feel alone and to doubt his care for us. We should serve God for who he is, not what we feel. He is never insensitive to our suffering. Because God is sufficient, we must hold on to him.”

On Pride:
“Job’s friends were certain that they were correct in their judgement of him. God rebuked them for their pride and arrogance. Human wisdom is always partial and temporary, so undue pride in our own conclusions is sin.

We must be careful not to judge others who are suffering. We may be demonstrating the sin of pride. We must be cautious in maintaining the certainty of our own conclusions about how God treats us. When we congratulate ourselves for being right, we become proud.”

page 784, Life Application Study Bible, New Living Translation

There is typically a physical reason for circumstances (improper planning begets financial ruin, smoking begets lung cancer, DNA begets various illnesses). Yet there is also a spiritual reason. When you believe in a God who created the world, you believe in a God who could (and in our pain, we think should) prevent disasters from happening. The physical reasons are easier to understand. The spiritual reasons are something we may (and probably will) never understand while we’re on earth. To assume we have the answers is to be filled with pride (something I’m guilty of on a regular basis).

A Memorial Offering

Cornelius stared at him in fear. “What is it, Lord?” he asked. The angel answered, “Your prayers and gifts to the poor have come up as a memorial offering before God. (Acts 10:4)

As I read this I picture heaven and God sitting on a throne. Around him are multitudes of angels – some bowing, some singing, some raising their hands and others reaching towards him. Light shines from the throne so bright that everything around it is white.

Before the throne a beautiful memorial offering sits that is carved and sculpted from the prayers and gifts of one man, Cornelius.

God may my life come up to you like a memorial here and in Nicaragua.

Waters Gone By

Job 11
Then Zophar the Naamathite replied: “Are all these words to go unanswered? Is this talker to be vindicated?
Will your idle talk reduce men to silence? Will no one rebuke you when you mock?

You say to God, ‘My beliefs are flawless and I am pure in your sight.’ Oh, how I wish that God would speak, that he would open his lips against you and disclose to you the secrets of wisdom, for true wisdom has two sides. Know this: God has even forgotten some of your sin.

Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens—what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave—what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea.

If he comes along and confines you in prison and convenes a court, who can oppose him? Surely he recognizes deceitful men; and when he sees evil, does he not take note? But a witless man can no more become wise than a wild donkey’s colt can be born a man.

Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear.

You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor.

But the eyes of the wicked will fail, and escape will elude them; their hope will become a dying gasp.

Speaking Peace

Esther 10:3 For Mordecai the Jew was second in rank to King Ahasuerus, and he was great among the Jews and popular with the multitude of his brothers, for he sought the welfare of his people and spoke peace to all his people.

This, above all, is how I want to be remembered. That I sought the welfare of my people, and I spoke peace. Starting with my family, moving to my neighborhood, then my city, then my nation, then my world. Speaking peace. Isn’t that a beautiful thing?

Fall Into You

Oh who am I that Your merciful eyes should fall on me
A sinner a fool, who doesn’t deserve You
And what am I that you’d offer Your life and die for me
What can I do, I’m nothing without You, I’m nothing without You
I’m nothing without You my love, my saving love

So I fall into You, I’m desperate and weak
Crying out from my heart, take all of me

How can it be that the heart of my God would long for me
For all that You do, Jesus I love You, I’ll Always Love You
Jesus I love You with all of my heart

Maker of sun and moon and stars

[Phil Wickham - Fall Into You lyrics]

But I Do Have Credit at Lucy’s…

As we round the mid-way part of our fundraising process (59% supported!) we are continually amazed at how God is not only providing for us financially but is still using us. I guess I kinda felt that God would quit using us until we landed in Nicaragua.

I have been doing some work for a client that is trading store credit with us for my services. This has been great because this client just happens to be the best little coffee shop in Birmingham! Today Bekah was on her way to meet me at my office and a guy asked her for some money. We make it a practice not to just hand out money (nor do we ever actually HAVE money) so she refused. Half-way up the next block God would not let her just walk away. She walked back down and offered him lunch with us (surprisingly not the first time she has shown up with someone and said ‘I have someone that needs some food’).

What ensued was one of the best conversations I have had. We talked about our pasts, our beliefs and our dreams – all over some tea and paninis.

I may not have any silver or gold, but I do have credit at Lucy’s Coffee and Tea!

Fuzzy Math

Who said budgets aren’t fun? I happen to love them, especially when I’m budgeting for a move to Nicaragua. The past few days of work have been mentally draining, as I am training not one but two replacements. My last day at work is July 2nd, and for fun, I redid our budget. Yes, this is fun to me.

We currently have 59% of our monthly salary raised, as well as all of our moving costs. The math is slightly fuzzy because we don’t know the total amount we will be able to contribute. It all depends on how many people hire Frank to do websites before we leave. Hint hint! Thankfully, he’s signing contracts on two websites this week, and there is a third website that has about a 60% chance of signing in the next three weeks.

When we went over the budget today, Frank and I couldn’t stop laughing. In that “I can’t believe this is really happening” giddy way. I know that people aren’t giving for recognition, but I am specifically amazed at the generosity found in our small groups and through both sets of parents. Without their contributions, we wouldn’t be able to get to Nicaragua as soon. It is especially hard for our parents, as they know that their contributions get us closer to leaving.

Give Me Jesus

A Short Update

Can we get a woop woop for being 24.90% supported? That’s 1/4 of the way there, only one month in.

We are having a hard time finding time for language training. Pray that we learn to simplify and focus our attention. I ate lunch at a restaurant and realized I can’t order a quesadilla in Spanish.

We are selling our car, a 2000 Ford Taurus, for $3500. It has 108K miles on it, a brand new alternator and battery, and is in pretty good shape. Frank keeps it clean. Let us know if you are interested. We will also be selling a 1996 Ford F-150 with 130K miles on it. Not sure of the price yet.

That’s about it. We’re purchasing what we need to move, and selling what we don’t. Our house is starting to look bare, and it’s even more motivation to get out of the door.

Transparency on a Good Day

A couple of months ago, we completed a psychological assessment required by AIM before coming on as staff. It revealed a few minor issues we needed to work on before leaving for the mission field. Since then, Frank and I have both been undergoing counseling. To say it’s helped me tremendously is an understatement. I’ve had a hard time most of my life accepting God’s love freely, and my therapist is helping me see why this is so.

For the first time, I am experiencing “good days.” Days that are not dependent on circumstances to feel good about myself. Days where I am sure of God’s love for me, and God’s calling in my life. I’m maturing, and it feels good. The changes are noticeable. I smile more. I see the positive in those around me. I am starting to be freed of judging and negativity.

I say all this to explain to you the changes that are happening in me. Through your prayers, you are part of this. I’m filled with gratitude.