Hogar Crea is a men’s recovery center in Granada, Nicaragua. To say it is understaffed would be a huge understatement. There are several of these centers in Nicaragua and they are all run by one director. One.

Each center has an assistant director. The assistant director at the center we visited graduated the program only a few weeks prior to obtaining his new position. I hope I am painting a clear picture of how “in need” these centers are.

I guess I should start with a brief rundown of what lead me to this men’s recovery center in Granada, Nicaragua. We began our journey by hearing a call to “Go”. We were not sure where this “Go” was leading us. What we did know is that we were going.

Through a series of events we came in contact with the Kayes. They are AIM missionaries in Granada. It wasn’t long after that we were boarding a plane to visit them for a week. We did not know much about the work they were doing in Granada but we did know that they worked with men that were in recovery.

As many of you may or may not know, I spent many years of my life addicted to drugs and alcohol. In 2004 I entered a recovery center and 12 months later I graduated the program. It was a Christ-centered program and through the men and women there I was introduced to a Jesus that loved me the way I was. A Jesus that tenderly picked me up and showed me what I worth in His eyes. I always felt that God rescued me to help others recover from addictions and learn who they are in Christ.

Now back to Hogar Crea. Crea is not only understaffed but while we were there someone in the program found out where the director kept what little money they did have and took it. With no back-up funds, no governement assistance – these men where left with no food. None. Recovering from all sorts of issues (drugs and alcohol are almost always a way of self-medicating a much bigger issue) with no food. I can’t imagine what that feels like.

Thanks to everyone who  supported us on this trip – we had the incredible opportunity (mostly due to the fact that the Kayes insisted on not letting us pay for any of our food while we were there) to buy basic staples to feed the men for about a month.

[ If you look real close you can see a big smile from the only gringo in the picture ]

Today I long to be back in Granada.

We spoke with Charles tonight and went over the budget. Overall, it’s looking really good. Our first goal is to raise money for our housing. More details to come…

We met with the AIM team yesterday and it went very well. They gave us approval to start the application process. The entire process will be guided by Charles and Sarah. Our next step is to create and review a budget based on their recommendations.

We’re also in the process of learning five verbs each week. Last week’s verbs were: absolver, abrir, abrasar, abrazar and abatir. Fun times in the Burder house!

Flowers on a Nicaragua mountainside

Pots waiting to be put into service

Seedlings waiting out the rainy season

Just over two months ago, I was sitting in church on a Sunday night.  We rarely sit with our small group, but this was one Sunday night when I was surrounded by people who knew our hearts.  Sitting there, drinking in what I was hearing, I heard a shout in my head.  It was “Go”; repeated, long and loud.  I looked around, wondering if Frank and our friends could hear it.  They couldn’t. It was all me.  Little Moi. Listening to voices in my head.  I had been praying for that shout.  It was the answer I was looking for.  Frank and I had been debating the different paths our lives could take.  We had questioned everything–jobs, our apartment, living in Birmingham–and had come up with no clear direction to take. We weren’t unhappy with our place, just unsettled.

God gave us our direction.  He gave it to us separately (I’ll let Frank tell his story) and then together. I have been blessedly free from worry during this process so far.  Today, my mind is churning with thoughts and questions.  How will we do this?  What will the mission board think of us?  How long will this take? How? When? Why?

I know I’m questioning whether God really knows what he’s doing with us.  I’m (sinfully) questioning his judgment. I have a long list of faults I keep in my head.  I’m not perfect, and I’m expecting myself to be. I think that I need to be perfect for God to use me.  Why would he want to use someone that cusses?  Or can’t pronounce Yosemite properly.

I just…I just can’t.  Why me?  Why would he choose me? Me.  Of all people.  I’m so not worthy of his love.  I am nothing.

Yes, I am nothing.  I am nothing without him. I can’t.  He can. I am free, yet still a slave.  I am his.  He asked me. Who am I to question his judgment? I realize today that shout isn’t his order, it’s my answer. He’s already asked, “Will you?”. I stand before him shouting “Here am I.  Send me.“