Shared by my lovely cousin as we prepare to leave in 5 days.

Do you have one of those people in your life that constantly remind you of the evilness of your heart?

A man we call “Yes Lord” is that for me. We’ve only run into him four or five times. The second time we saw him, he was mean enough to me to make me cry. In public. In front of 50 other people. Frank had to go threaten him.

We ran into Yes Lord again tonight, and the mental tape started playing immediately. I knew what was coming, so I pridefully thought I could handle it.

“Look at him and see Jesus.”

“God loves him, you should to.”

“Ok God, if he’ll just stop talking and show me ONE redeeming quality I will be able to love him.”

Without fail, he keeps talking. Without fail, I fail. I fail at keeping my heart pure. Tonight, during our bible study he happened to say something really profound. Right as I was thinking my most sinful thoughts.

“Christ knows what’s in your heart.”

Ouch. He sure does, and tonight it wasn’t pretty. Tonight it was filled with all that was bad. I was nearsighted and blind, forgetting that I’ve been cleansed from my past sins.

2 Peter 1:3-10

3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

*Yes Lord got his nickname because the second someone starts to pray, he starts saying (you guessed it) “Yes Lord” repeatedly and loudly. Tonight, I learned his real name because our small group leaders took the time to engage him in conversation. It’s Darrie.

Through this process of moving, God has shown his provision in so many ways. I had a hard few days last week where I felt really discouraged about everything that needed to be done, and it came down to me telling Frank I did not feel provided for. He, with a kind spirit, told me that he was not my source of provision and security, God was. And then proceeded to show me in the next two days the way God was providing for us.

My mom called soon after this, and I was honest with her about where I stood emotionally. What resulted was the most encouraging phone call I have had with her. In 1984, she moved with her five children and the family pet to South Africa. Her husband had been gone for several months, and flew back to help her pack up the family.  She didn’t know what to pack, or what to expect, but she did it. She moved while her extended family told her it was a mistake, and that it wasn’t God’s will. And now she is able to tell me that it is God’s will for us to move, and that she trusts God to provide for us. She encouraged me in ways that no one else can, and for that I am grateful.

I am provided for.

Frank and I were discussing various oddities in the Bible (one of which was the phrase “pisseth against the wall“), and I brought up the capitalization of personal pronouns when they are referring to God. Some Bible translations use the capital letter, some do not.

I brought it up because in church on Sunday, I saw this phrase flash across the screen.

Here I am everything for You

Shouldn’t it be:

Here i am everything for You

This had, in all honesty, never occurred to me until a friend said she couldn’t use a translation that didn’t capitalize. My point is this, if capitalization is so important in reference to God, why have a capital I? Shouldn’t you be lower as well?

I say all of this because I think capitalizing these words in reference to God started off as something used to quickly identify who the “your” is referring to (like printing Jesus’ words in red). Sometimes it is confusing, but the focus on capitalization has quickly turned into this kind of legalistic “Capitalize or you’re in danger of taking the Lord’s name in vain” kind of deal.

Does anyone else have these most random of thoughts?

Esther 10:3 For Mordecai the Jew was second in rank to King Ahasuerus, and he was great among the Jews and popular with the multitude of his brothers, for he sought the welfare of his people and spoke peace to all his people.

This, above all, is how I want to be remembered. That I sought the welfare of my people, and I spoke peace. Starting with my family, moving to my neighborhood, then my city, then my nation, then my world. Speaking peace. Isn’t that a beautiful thing?

A couple of months ago, we completed a psychological assessment required by AIM before coming on as staff. It revealed a few minor issues we needed to work on before leaving for the mission field. Since then, Frank and I have both been undergoing counseling. To say it’s helped me tremendously is an understatement. I’ve had a hard time most of my life accepting God’s love freely, and my therapist is helping me see why this is so.

For the first time, I am experiencing “good days.” Days that are not dependent on circumstances to feel good about myself. Days where I am sure of God’s love for me, and God’s calling in my life. I’m maturing, and it feels good. The changes are noticeable. I smile more. I see the positive in those around me. I am starting to be freed of judging and negativity.

I say all this to explain to you the changes that are happening in me. Through your prayers, you are part of this. I’m filled with gratitude.

jesus never said he was God.
instead he asked “who do they say that i am?”
so as christians.
should we ever have to say what we are?
or should our lives be an example,
so people are compelled to ask “what are you?”
we can respond with “what do you think I am?”